Being a Victim of Domestic Violence

   Never in a million years did I believe that after being a victim turned survivor of sexual assault did I think I would also be a victim of an abusive relationship. But I am. And the sad thing is that there is a little boy involved, stuck in the middle. On February 17th, 2014, my ex-fiancee and the father to my youngest “miracle” son (I call him a miracle baby because I prayed for 10 yrs for him). His name is David. We’d been going through a court battle in which he lost because the judge did not see me as a danger to him nor our son, Kallyn. When the judge pounded his gavel, mom, my oldest, Chris and I took off out of the door and rushed over to the house that David and I had shared that he locked me out of. 

   I went in and grabbed him in my arms where he went to his brother then back to me. We grabbed a few things and we almost made it back to the car when David pulled up. Kallyn was in my arms. He opened the car door and began to pull him from my arms. I told him, “No! He is my son too and he is coming with me now!” As I felt Kallyn’s skin stretching I looked at David. He had the look of pure hatred in his face and as I was letting go of Kallyn because he was crying, I saw David draw back his right fist and it was like slow motion, he hit me in my left eye. WHILE HOLDING OUR SON!!! Who does that!! He hit me again in which I my body and head hit the car and I saw Chris come out of my left side view and hit David. When I looked back up, I saw Kallyn lying on the gravel driveway screaming and crying. David was physically fighting Chris. Chris held his own like a man (he’s a 5ft 11in 13 yr old) but he should not have had to do that. David then came back over to me standing there just stunned and in shock and hit me 3 to 4 more times. I screamed for my mom to call the police (again). 

   The prick cop that came only charged him with assault on a female. I told him to charge him with child abuse or whatever charge he could with hitting a minor. (I later found out it was because Chris hit him back and did more damage to David than David did to Chris). Chris had marks on him from where he got knocked down onto the gravel driveway.. He didn’t do it but he did arrest me for simple assault!!! I never raised my fist nor open hand to hit him! He was holding our son! I was not going to risk hitting him plus this was my ace in the hole to get Kallyn away from him, so why would I hit him? His mom and the girl he moved in there while I was still there yelled to the cop saying that “I saw the whole thing from the kitchen window” Trick whatever. So you wanna stay with a man that hits on females and kids? You have two kids and you are a female. Also, he lied to me about hitting two of his ex’s. I got his police report and the report of the girl, Christa that stays there. David has 2-3 assaults on a female and a child abuse charge among others. She has assault to ISI (inflict serious injury).

   I have been talking to domestic victim advocates, court advocates as well as child protective services and the police to get help in this situation. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine being a victim of domestic violence. 

   I took out a domestic violence protection order (dvpo otherwise known as a 50b) and when the judge granted me temporary physical custody, I went over to the house and called 911 and waited until they pulled up and then I pulled in the driveway. After a lot of running around the bush, I got my son and some of our things. He is now with me where he will stay. I know the judge will grant my order next week at the hearing and I am going to file for physical custody of him as well. And child support.

   I’ve always been an advocate for sexual assault victims, but now I can add to that domestic violence advocate. You never really know what someone has been through unless you’ve been in their shoes themselves.

   This will not drag me down like he hopes it will. I have become stronger and closer to God throughout this situation. God has healed me and I know that he is with me throughout everything I go through in life. He took me out of a relationship because I was not supposed to marry that man. The assault? I take it as this gives me more leverage to have custody of Kallyn and away from his violent father.

   To all those survivors of domestic abuse, keep your head up, it does get better but you have to get out of the situation first.

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